Angels In Disguise Series - 10th Anniversary Edition
An Excerpt
PROLOGUE:
Medication, Hallucinations, & Suicidal Tendencies
a cystal tumbler cries
ice-dripped tears from melted cubes,
between squirted lemon drops
sour piss-coloured liquid swims
cool bitterness
teases my taste buds
artificial flavours
cover the stings of burnt
truths of my naiveté
a Winnie-the-Pooh nightlight shines
on my cracked eggshell wall,
the yellow beam reflects
on a blade
of a twinkling star of hope --
a blade that could peel
an onion skin layer by layer
a psychedelic bowl
of medication fruit loops
Mescaline, Demerol,
LSD, AZT, codeine,
hashish and barbiturates
a toxicity strong enough
for human combustion --
I dip sinewy fingertips
into the cereal bowl,
old flesh touches the softness
of the outer skin of the pills --
soft and hard
the power of smallness
to prolong
and/or hasten death
slowly I experience
-- pretend --
the pills are barbells:
"up/down, up/dpown c'mon: five sets of five"
changing hands and arms
pills disappear as I sip
bitter sour piss-coloured lemon liquid
now warm and weak in melted water
late opaque-afternoon light
becomes shadows that dance upon my
cracked eggshell walls
I caress the silver blade
allow my fingertips
to slide,
feeling cool steel
upon my skin --
her body is cold
like the fuck I got last night
a flash of fire stretches across
the summer autumn sky
where violence and anger
entrap me into the
nine circles of Dante's Inferno
I squeeze my chest tightly against
my bent-up knees in silence --
stare out the window
intrigued by the fiery fingers
hypnotizing my hazel eyes
I start to descend
into my hell
a train whistle screams
across the Prairies
rusted boxcars bang against my temples --
I feel the heat of the Alberta sunset
through my open window:
lying upon my Winnie-the-Pooh comforter
as I chase my dreams of forgetfulness
the fire dances upon my naked chest --
warms me into a deepness
as I am carried
into another dimension --
steel blade winks,
the flash of its light
hits my hazel iris:
Winnie-the-Pooh tumbles from the top of my headboard,
lands on my naked chest,
his red t-shirt
and bare bottom
tease my infected dream --
mocks my existence
as I slip
into his opaque-button eyes:
the green house
is full of life
screaming kids
working wife
he came home and alive
hit her once, the very last time
never saw the knife
uncles stole in the night
covered it up with a lie
the house fire was a sight
my eyelids beg to drag open:
this fire in the sky subsides --
orange, red, yellow layers
it pumps furiously
against my heart
the opaque shadows continue to dance
on my cracked eggshell walls
my father will not creep
into my shadow room tonight
I feel the cool steel blade tease my skin
as i slide it over my nipple,
afterward
bring its blade to my lips --
a good-bye kiss,
to the last friend
who will aid me in leaving this hellish life.
